A World of Pure Imagination: An Objective Review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I really don't have much to say about this one, other than that it's taken WotW's second-place-for-the-year slot. Great fun. Dark. Sadistic. Closer to the book than the old movie except for the father subplot. I feel kind of bad for such a short review, but I really don't have anything else to say.

Well, except that I killed your baby today and it doesn't matter much to me as long as it's dead.

(21 out of 5)

Okay, you know what? After this, no more more-than-five-out-of-five ratings unless a movie enters my top ten of all time.

What Not To Do In Space: An Objective Review of Fantastic 4 (2005)

The 1994 Roger Corman "spectacular" of the same name showed us that comic accuracy doesn't necessarily ensure quality. However, this film, through its combination of the 616 and Ultimate comics, achieved a not-perfect-but-still-good result.

What worked. They put in a good amount of references to the comics and kept a lot of things in that were necessary to the characters but that I thought were going to change to keep in line with the other hero movies. It captured the spirit of the characters and their motivations and stories. The effects, for the most part, were at least on par with the standard fare we see these days. They made sure to mention Latveria, not only a couple of times in the body of the film, but in the sequel hook, which was changed last-minute because The Incredibles ripped off the iconic F4 moment that was planned to serve as the sequel hook. The team dynamic and infighting worked really well. Also, it was well-paced, and despite the fact that I know scenes were cut (specifically the scene where Ben passes by the Kirby Gallery and sees Alicia's bust of him, if nothing else), it didn't feel like there was anything missing. Also, I liked the nonstandard plot structure.

What didn't work. At the beginning, Ioan Gruffud's (Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic) accent is pretty clear. As the film progresses, his accent goes away and his voice is more American, which shows that the film was filmed at least somewhat sequentially, which is very unusual. The problem is not the order it was filmed in, though, but the fact that he has that accent at the beginning. In contrast, while Julian McMahon's (Dr. Victor Von Doom) accent is there sometimes, it's not strong enough. He's supposed to be eastern European. It's pointed out that he's from Latveria, not just his ancestors. His accent shouldve been stronger. Now, for the most part, the casting was inspired. Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans couldn't have been better as Ben Grimm and Johnny Storm respectively. Ioan Gruffud and Julian McMahon were adequate, but felt like second choices (and in all honesty, they were. We were told many times through the director shuffle that George Clooney was the top choice for Mr. Fantastic and Jeremy Irons was the top candidate for Doom). Jessica Alba put in the best performance she could, and it wasn't objectively a bad performance. I just can't see her as Sue Storm. The role, I think, should've gone to Charlize Theron. But she still put in a good performance, so there's not too much to complain about from a nonfanboy perspective.

Honestly, the movie wasn't the best of the summer, but it did justice to the comic, was a lot of fun, and was worth the price of admission.

(4 out of 5)

It's The End Of The World As We Know It: An Objective Review of War of the Worlds (2005)

You know, I contemplated writing a spoiler-free review, but I decided, "Uh...no."

What worked. Acting. Plot. Dialogue. Action. EVERYTHING. God, it was amazing. They kept the ending of the book and they managed to put the red weed in the movie, though it was PG-13. Man, that red weed was going all veeena jeeena (you may say that reference is esoteric, but the red weed is certainly not a food).

What didn't work. The fact that the son survived. Like, it's not bad in and of itself, but because it seemed they had the guts to kill him off, then retracted it, it seemed like a cheesy ending.

Kickass movie. Second only to Batman for the year.

(20 out of 5)

No Title Is Good Enough: An Objective Review of Batman Begins

First off, let me begin by saying [insert fanboy orgasm here].

Now, there's not much I can gush about without giving away too much except...

THEY INCLUDED MR. ZSASZ!

Okay. Now that that's out of the way, go see it. Now. Like, get off your lazy ass and go. Right now. I mean it.

(25 out of 5)

Love is Pain: An Objective Review of Mr. & Mrs. Smith

You know, seeing a movie twice in one day has kind of a cancelling effect. Given that and the conditions under which I saw it the second time, there's not really many specifics I remember that weren't in the trailer. So...uh...yeah. Sorry for the short review.

It's witty. It's engaging. It references Fight Club frequently and has Angelina Jolie and explosions.

(4 out of 5)

Old School Hollywood Baseball: An Objective Review of Sandlot 2

I've seen a few DTV sequels in my day. The direct-to-video sequel is a tool used by companies who want to milk a half-dead franchise for whatever worth the little remaining life can produce.

This, however, is actually a quality film that was surprisingly good and, though it featured a new cast of characters, tied in well with the original tale without being too derivative. I mean, it was derivative to an extent, but not to the level most DTV films, especially sequels, tend to be.

Sandlot 2 revolves around a group of kids that hang out at the Sandlot ten years after the original group. The group features three girls this time, which creates a little subplot at the beginning that doesn't really get revisited. The feminism is laid on a little thick at the beginning, but eventually, it serves as humor without being derogatory or chauvinist.

What worked. The script was well-written for the most part and most of the cast was damn good for their ages. The storyline was somewhat similar to the original, but it didn't completely revolve around baseball and, while it paid homage quite a few times, it was different enough to be good.

What didn't work. The kids who couldn't act...really couldn't act. There was a lot of buildup for what ended up being just the ending you'd expect. More or less, that's all I really have to complain about.

All in all, it was an enjoyable movie, especially if you dug the first.

(4 out of 5)

Heaven is a Halfpipe: An Objective Review of Lords of Dogtown

Dammit.

How'd Ben beat me to it? I'm the one who used to skateboard. I'm the one who knows the history.

You know, I don't know why we call this site objective.

Anyway, Lords of Dogtown, directed by Catherine Hardwicke of Thirteen fame, tells the story of the famous Z-Boys of Venice Beach, California, in the mid-to-late seventies. Written by Z-Boy and semi-protagonist Stacy Peralta, it's a fairly accurate chronicle of their story. The big changes? There were three. One, Sid's name was really Deano. That change was ridiculously useless. Two, the love triangle with Tony's sister. She was really only with Jay, and she was with him for six years. She was never with Stacy. This did serve its purpose of adding dramatic tension, but ultimately, the story did that just fine without that and the part served little more than to get a bigger part for Thirteen screenwriter/star Nikki Reed. Three, Tony Alva is four years older than Jay Adams, not the same age. That change really didn't do anything to the story.

What worked. Emile Hirsch and Victor Rasuk were the splitting images of Jay Adams and Tony Alva respectively, and they played the parts extremely well. The same applies to Heath Ledger as Skip Engblom. John Robinson is too pretty to play Stacy Peralta, but played the part very well anyway. I know someone who is the splitting image of the real Peralta, but he's not an actor. Anyway, the acting from them was good. The sets were good. I've seen images and clips of the real events and they were recreated with anal-retentive attention to detail. The soundtrack was good. The writing, although it used the word bro too much, was good. I'd like to see Peralta try his hand at some more stuff.

What didn't work. A lot of the adult actors did a poor job. Some of them have the excuse that their character is supposed to be perpetually stoned, but others just fail. Also, they had no need to rename Deano. That was really pointless.

Overall, good movie.

RIP, Mitch Hedberg.

(4 out of 5)